Mother's Day 2012

As I sit here, Mother's Day Eve, I have a few thoughts running through my head.

One, as the last 2 mother's days, I miss my mom.  I have a great step-mom that I know loves me and my boys as if we were her blood.  But I can't help but miss my mom.

As much as a pain she was, as much as she screwed me up as a child, and later as an adult, she was my mom and I loved her.  And the fact that when I was pregnant, she snuck up here from Williamsburg to buy a house so she could be with me and the boys when they were born, was really touching.  Taking her to her first sonogram where she could see the boys kicking inside me, see their hearts beating, look at my little bundles, I still remember that.

and when it was decided that I needed to go back to work, having her quit her job to take care of the boys for me was a godsend.  I was able to go back to work knowing that the next best thing to me being there was taking care of my babies.  That she would never let anything happen to them.

And her being able to spend the last 2 years of her life taking care of the boys makes me happy.  The boys were her life.  She loved them more than me sometimes. :)  The fact she got to spend time with them, love them, be grandma to her heart's content.  Makes her passing a bit easier to take.

So I sit here missing my mom.

And, I'll say this before the enormity of what I"m about to do overwhelms me...  This year, my mother's day present is being able to stay home and take care of my boys.  Finally after the last three years of working alot of hours, traveling, not being able to advocate for them, to take care of them, of depending on other people to help me take care of them.  This year, I get three months with my boys.

I'm thankful I have a husband who is letting me do this.  Who, instead of berating me for not being able to find another job, is saying, yes, spend time with the boys.

After the months of fertility treatments I went through, surgeries, etc. to have my babies.  The first two years of staying home with them were fantastic.  And now after sacrificing them for the last three years, Being able to spend time with them is what I need.

I need time to cuddle, time to do cool things with them, make some memories, so that one day hopefully they'll remember the whole summer mommy spent with them.

My babies are 7 and about to go into 2nd grade.  Pretty soon the thought of spending five minutes with mommy will make them scream.  I'm going to have as much fun with them as I can this summer.  And remind them every day mommy loves them.