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Monday, October 1, 2012

Breaking up is hard to do

Growing up People come in and out of your life. Friends that you have in grade school, probably aren't your friends in high school. Friends that you have in high school, quickly get lost when you don't see them every day in your life takes a new turn. We get married, have children, becomes soccer moms become divorced moms and our children grow up. Even growing up in the town than I have, people that I knew in elementary school middle school and high school, I'm not very close to today. You read articles all the time about how people seem to grow out of their friends. Things that connected you at one time, no longer connect you. For the most part this is widely known and accepted. But there are some people in your life, that you expect to be around forever. Even as your lives go in different directions, you know that this person is your friend and will be for the rest of your life. I have two of those friends. I had known these two girls for 30 years now. The three of us have gone that through school, graduated, gotten married or not married, had kids or not had kids but we always have come back to each other. One of my friends, I lost touch with for a few years. I would see her mom in the store and we would talk and I would find out how she was doing and she would find out what is going on in my life and pass along to my friend. She finally found her rocker boyfriend and is happy. We do not have a lot in common anymore, but we have a shared past that will always keep us close. When my mom died, she was there. We've reconnected in that time of great and realized how important friendship is. We don't see each other every day or talk to each other every day but I know she is there.She and I have very different lives. The while I got married and had children, but the What brings in his journey of self discovery on this evening, is that my other friend of 30 years dumped me tonight. It wasn't something earth shattering, like her saying she didn't want us to talk anymore. It was sort of like 30 years of friendship doesn't seem to matter to her anymore. In the 30 years that we've been friends, there has always been an element of the shiny new toy where she is concerned. We can be the best of friends and inseparable, but suddenly the shiny new toy (friend) appears and she abandons our friendship until it is needed again. She has done this so many times, you would think that I would be used to it and that it wouldn't affect me anymore. Unfortunately, that is not so. She is a very good mom and wife and has been pursuing her dream of becoming a nurse for the last few years. She doesn't have a lot of free time, which is so understandable. But for the last few years, we've made it a point to get together on Twilight nights, have dinner, catch up, then swoon over Edward and Jacob. This year, as the tickets for Twilight went on sale, I sent her a message asking if she wanted me to buy the tickets, to be told she and her 20-year old nursing classmate are going to go together this year. For the last few months, she's been cranky, complaining on Facebook about everything, and stressing over the last few months of her nursing program. All her class-mates are 20 years old. Tonight I'm feeling low. Depressed. We always seem to find our way back to each other when we need each other, but it's like tonight I realized, I'm always the one being left behind. Being pushed aside for her shiny new toys. And I'm suddenly tired of it. I'm tired, in pain, depressed, so that could be the reason for my feeling this way, or maybe it's just time to "break up" with her. With all the crap in my life, do I need someone who keeps breaking my heart? Or because of the history we have, should I just ignore it?

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