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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

No one is immune...

I heard on the radio tonight, that over the Thanksgiving holiday, Rhianna posted pictures of Chris Brown half naked in her bed.

In case you've been living under a rock, Chris Brown beat the crap out of her in a moving car a few years ago.  He had a restraining order put against him.  The restraining order is gone, and guess who is back together.

It goes to show, ANYONE can be a victim of domestic violence, and ANYONE can remain in the cycle.

All of us have a friend who has been verbally or physically abused by their mate.  We tell them over and over again to get out, get safe, you're worth more than that.

Rhianna, a beautiful, talented, rich, smart woman is caught up in the cycle of abuse.  She has a huge support system, tons of fans, but she still fell back in the cycle.  If anyone had the self-esteem and the ability to get out, she did.

The biggest result of this is to show just how addicting the cycle of abuse can become.  It doesn't discriminate by racial lines, ethnic lines, income lines.  It isn't just the poor, battered woman with no options of places to go and stuck in the situation.  It isn't the "ugly" woman afraid that she'll never find anyone better that forces her to stick around.

The psychological dependency is something anyone can have.  It's pervasive, it can affect anyone.

You tell your friends, they're beautiful and deserve more, but they don't believe you.  You tell them they deserve respect, but they don't believe they do.  You get angry, thinking that they deserve better, you grow ever more frustrated, you pull away thinking, "I've done all I can, and she just won't listen!"

The Rhianna situation also goes to show that anyone can get caught in the mindset that they're not good enough.  That the abuser can make anyone believe anything he wants.

I feel sorry for Rhianna, as he's already abused her and his history since the incident is just as violent by him throwing tantrums and hitting people or trashing green rooms.  The man is dangerous, and apparently Rhianna is sucked in.  If anyone could escape, it would be her.  But she wound up going back.

Like I said, we all know someone who is living in this kind of relationship.  It's so easy to offer advice. It's so easy to get angry that they won't take your advice or your help.  But don't give up on them.  They're not ignoring your advice because it's easier to do so, they're locked in a co-dependent relationship with the abuser.  Your friend may want desperately to get out, but they can't.  Their excuses of no money, nowhere to go, not knowing what to do, may be excuses, but it's only to justify in their minds something that they know is un-justifiable.  Their lifeline to hold onto so they don't have to face their addiction.

Don't give up on your friend.  Even if it's only to clean up the new mess, they need you and your turning your back on them will only cause them to cling to their abuser more.

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