Saying Goodbye

Before I married my husband, we talked about getting cats when we moved in together.  I wanted a black one, named Spooky.  I was lonely when I moved into the house alone, and got Steffie.  We then got Trouble.  Steffie died, and 9 months later, we found our Spooky.

She's part Siamese so she latched onto me immediately.  If I was sitting down, she was on my lap.  If I was asleep, she was laying next to my face on my pillow.

The boys came, Spooky got annoyed by two loud wiggling creatures who stole her lap.

Spooky is a pest.  The boys still are afraid of her, so they open the door and let her in our room when they wake up.  Spooky uses this as a chance to walk on the headboard, make us nervous, fall off and onto our heads when she turns around, walks on our faces, etc.

She started acting weird a week ago.  Refused to drink from her water, would only drink from the toilet, tub, or sink.  I noticed food wasn't disappearing as quickly.  She'd give this pathetic meow.  Then she peed on my bed.  Then I noticed she's been spending all her time on my bed or Jamie's bed, and she doesn't come out to the living room anymore.

Took her to the vet today.  Not good.  She has the beginnings of kidney failure, liver damage, and has lost more than half her body weight.  She's 4 pounds.

I knew the decision that had to be made, but I could not do it without giving the boys a chance to say goodbye.  Jamie caught on real quick, did not like where the conversation was going.  Iain figured it out and was in tears halfway through the talk, but I'm still not sure exactly how much he "gets."

But we all get that tomorrow, mommy is taking Spooky to the Vet and Spooky will go to sleep and not wake up, and will be returning home without her.  Everyone has cried.  I'm still sort of numb.  I can't believe it.  She was always the healthy one.  Spooky was so annoying, she'd be around forever, right?

I had my cuddles tonight, petted her, got some licks, and now I'm trying to bear with taking her to the vet tomorrow and not coming home with her.  Seems unreal.  Tomorrow I have to get the boys to get dressed and out the house before I have a breakdown.

I have to do this, I have to be strong.  If it was only me, I'd try to get her to hold on.  But I can't run the risk of the boys waking up one morning to find her dead.  I have to be strong.

Until tomorrow afternoon...then I can break down.