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Monday, December 17, 2012

Death, regrets

A few years ago, I lost my mother.  The sudden-ness, the regrets, the what-ifs I have been struggling with for years.  There are so many things that go through your mind.  The one big take-away from that event, is to never let an opportunity go by to tell the people in your life that you love them.  That you appreciate them.  That they're the most important people in your life.

I do this multiple times a day with the boys, and it's only increased since Friday.  I tell them over and over how much I love them, that they are the most important things in my life.  They smile, tell me they love me to, and probably think "gosh mom, give it a rest already."

Tonight I thought to myself, my mom always told me she loved me.  She always told me she loved me before she left.  When she died, I knew she loved me.  I'd give her the usual, I love you too, but it's always a reflex. Not that it's not true, it's just that it's said as a reflex and doesn't sound sincere.

I now get the "I Love you Too's," but one day it will be reflexive from the boys.  That's what I wrestle with almost daily since Mom's death.  Did she know that I really DID love her?  Did she think it was reflexive?

I think this is something we all wrestle with.  And I'm sure plenty of parents in CT are asking the question, "Do they really know how much I love them?"

I think they did.  I think my mom did.

But take this as a wake-up call.  Never pass up an opportunity to tell the people you love that you love them and they are the world to you.

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